The Persistence of Memory
by CarbyLivesOn
Summary: Set sometime after Dear Abby. Some memories are hard to give up.
1. Chapter 1

_Okay, I know I should probably work on my other fics, but this is what i wrote for the OCOH challenge this month. I don't really have an exact time period for this thing... sometime during late season 10, but it's pretty AU._**  
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**The Persistence of Memory**

"You know I never stopped loving you."

"Stop it! We can never be together."

I shook my head. Lifetime movies are always so dramatic. Nobody actually says things like that in real life. Probably because real life sucks. I mean, it's not like I'm starving and living on the streets or anything, but… it's not like my life is that great either. I have no boyfriend, I drive all my friends away, and I'm broke. Left with nothing but my memories. Oh, and my family is crazy, too.

I am interrupted from my train of thought with a knock on the door. I put the TV on mute and go answer it, padding to the door in only an oversized tee shirt and my favorite slippers.

"Hey there," Carter said, stepping into my apartment as soon as I open the door, without even waiting for an invitation.

"Come on in," I joked. "Seeing as you're already in my kitchen, can you just wait a minute while I get dressed?"

"Sure."

"Help yourself to food or whatever," I called over my shoulder.

I tugged at the bottom of my shirt, because I thought it might be too short for our "just friends" situation. I could feel his eyes burning into me as I walked into my bedroom and closed the door. As I pulled on my favorite jeans, I started to think about my life. Maybe it's not so bad after all. I mean, having Carter… it's good. Really good.

And then I realize that I forgot about that part. I do have one good thing in my life, one friend - Carter. We've been doing practically everything together in these last few months. It seems like yesterday that he sent me that letter, only to follow it home the next day.

* * *

"_Abby, please just talk to me."_

"_I don't _want _to talk to you. Maybe I'll write you a letter."_

"_Abby, I said I was sorry. I don't know what I was thinking. I didn't mean anything I said in that letter."_

"_Prove it."_

"_I came back, didn't I? I want to fix this."_

"_What's 'this', Carter?"_

"_You and me. Together. We should be together."_

"_I can't be with you like that. Maybe… we could be friends… maybe."_

"_All right." Carter's face lit up with a relieved grin, and then all of a sudden we were putting our friendship back together, bit by bit and piece by piece._

_

* * *

_

"Pizza?" Carter asked as I placed two glasses of water and a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table in front of the TV.

"Extra cheese and black olives," I said with a small smile. "But you can pick them off."

He just laughed. We settled down to watch a movie while we waited for dinner to arrive. I tried to concentrate on the plot, but I found my mind drifting to other places, back in time, when we were together….

* * *

"It's scary out," I said when a commercial break came on. 

"You're just saying that because it's Friday the 13th."

"No, believe me, something weird is going to happen. Something really bad," I told him anxiously.

Carter laughed and turned the volume up on the TV. "Just relax. Don't worry. I'm here."

* * *

Twenty minutes later, we're interrupted by a knock on the door. 

"Finally, I'm starving," I said.

Carter grabbed his wallet and walked to the door. "This one's on me," he informed me.

"You're too kind, Dr. Carter."

He rolled his eyes at me and opened the door. "That will be $13.95," said a boy who didn't look older than a teenager.

"That much?" Carter questioned. "The price of pizza has sure gone up since I was young."

"God, John, we ordered pizza last week and it was the same price!" I swatted him on the arm and reached into his wallet. "Excuse him, and keep the change," I told the delivery boy.

"You two have _fun_ with that pizza," he said, making a weird face that he must have thought was suggestive, and then he turned to leave.

"Yeah," John said, waggling his eyebrows. "I hope we can think of something _fun_ to do with this pizza."

I laughed hard at that one. I grabbed the pizza and set it on the counter. Then I opened the fridge and pulled out all the fruit that wasn't rotten, smelly, or covered in mold. I know, not exactly the picture of cleanliness. Anyway, I set them out and started cutting.

"What are you doing?" Carter asked and I could tell that he was trying really hard not to laugh.

I looked at him with mock disdain. "I'm making salad."

"Why?"

"I want you to live a full and healthy life."

"You do, do you?" Even though I had my back to him, I could tell that Carter had that arrogant smirk on his face.

"You're worried about me, huh, Abby?" Actually I was, it seemed like he never ate anything that wasn't fried or dripping in butter and grease.

"In your dreams," I scoffed.

He stood up from his perch on a stool and walked closer to me, standing behind me, and he was close enough to give me shivers down my spine.

"Wanna guess what else happens in my dreams?" Carter asked, actually he whispered, in my ear.

"FUCK!" Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit. I was so busy listening to him that I had forgotten I was still chopping.

All the color drained from his face. "Oh God, Abby, are you okay?" He grabbed my hand to take a look. I had inadvertently chopped the tip off of my finger. Only it was a lot more than the tip. Like half my finger.

"John," I said weakly. "Not County……" and then I was asleep.

* * *

I remember waking up, surprised that I wasn't still in my kitchen. Carter was asleep in a chair in the corner of the room. A room that reminded me of a surgery recovery room that I had seen quite a few times before. 

"Carter," I managed to whisper. "Carter, wake up." Still no response. "Hey, John."

He blinked open his eyes and looked up at me. "Hey, you."

He got up and came to sit on the edge of my bed. "You had me pretty worried."

"What happened?" I asked.

"You don't remember?"

"Pizza. There was pizza," I recalled. Carter smiled at me.

"That's my girl," he said, leaning over to give me a little kiss on my forehead.

I smiled at him as I drifted back to sleep. It was a deep sleep, full of memories of us together in our past and dreams of our future together. Our own perfect utopia. And I knew it was possible, as long as we were together.

* * *

_I hope everyone likes it! I will try to continue it. Props for anyone who knows where I got the title from._


	2. Chapter 2

_I just reread that first chapter and realized that it's highly improbable. Oh well, I guess that's what makes it fun! Also, in this story, just a reminder- Carter went to Africa, sent the letter, but came back right after he sent it. And Doc Magoo's never burned down, and Abby still went back to med school._

_Congrats to trakrunr83, who correctly guessed the title- it's from a painting by Salvador Dali._

_**The Persistence of Memory - **_**Chapter 2**

It had been almost two weeks since the whole finger-chopping incident. I was glad to be able to work again after a few days, and everything seemed like normal. I was also seeing Carter every day. _Seeing_, if you know what I mean.

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" he asked, joining me in the kitchen and snaking his arms around my waist.

"It's stupid," I mumbled.

"Come on, tell me," Carter pleaded.

"Work?" he asked. I shook my head no.

"Your family?"

"Nope."

He looked at me expectantly. "Hey," I said, realizing something all of a sudden. "I think we've had this conversation before."

"What? What are you talking about?" Carter looked at me like I was crazy.

"That one day… before you went to Belize…" I trailed off, and a look of peaceful happiness appeared on his face.

"Yeah, and do you remember what exactly we were doing that day?" he asked, a naughty look in his eyes.

"I think I remember doing it many times," I said, closing the gap between us and capturing his lips for a short but sweet kiss.

"We… should… mmm," Carter tried to talk in between kisses. "Let's… maybe… reenact," he said, and I let out a small laugh.

"Oh, I think I can do even better than last time," I told him as we made our way to my bedroom. "Now there's no time limit."

* * *

Somehow, no one at work had figured out that Carter and I were back together. We didn't feel that it was necessary, so we just decided to wait until someone put two and two together.

"So Carter," Susan had said as the three of us sat drinking coffee at Doc's. "I've got this friend."

"That's great," Carter said sarcastically. "I'm so proud of you."

"No, that's not what he meant," Susan said, making a face at him. "I've got a friend that I met in yoga class who'd be perfect for you."

I looked up from my coffee so fast that I almost got whiplash, as Carter choked into his drink.

"Like a date?" he asked, trying to regain his composure.

"Yeah, that's what I was suggesting. Don't get too excited, I just thought you could use some action," Susan said.

Carter turned bright red and avoided eye contact with me. "Um, actually… I'm already seeing someone," he told her.

"Really? Oh my god, Carter, who is it?"

"Someone," he said with a knowing smile. Just then his beeper went off and I breathed a sigh of relief. Excusing himself, Carter got up and went across the street back to County.

"So who do you think it is?" Susan asked me as we watched his retreating form out the window.

"I don't know," I said, trying to sound convincing. "Probably some sleazy blonde that he picked up in a bar."

Susan laughed at my idea. "Or maybe some high-society ditz with no brains and fake boobs," she said. This time I started to giggle.

We spent the next ten minutes before our breaks were over trying to 'guess' who Carter's new love interest was, though it was kind of hard for me to imagine him with all the people Susan mentioned.

* * *

Susan spent the next week spying on Carter, trying to find out who his new girlfriend was. She kept popping up on him unexpected and trying to catch him by surprise. Finally, he had had enough.

"Abby, I think we should tell Susan. Or anyone, really. The news will spread fast," Carter said to me as we sat in the lounge one day before a shift.

"Why, is her constant nagging getting on your nerves?" I asked acting mock surprised.

"Oh, you're funny," Carter said. "How about we tell them that you have a new boyfriend, and then all the nurses will have something new to gossip about."

"Don't you think we would get in trouble- you know, a med student dating her attending?"

He gave me a look.

"Okay, okay, we can tell," I caved. "How?"

"I think I've got a great idea," Carter said with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

_I decided to make this story into a reader's choice. How do you guys want Carter and Abby's relationship to be exposed? Should they get caught on a gurney in an exam room, or should they share a short kiss at the admit desk. Or maybe you all would prefer if they just told someone. Either way, please review and tell me what you think. Thanks so much for reading!_


	3. Chapter 3

**_The Persistence of Memory – _Chapter 3**

_Thanks so much for reviewing everyone! Read on to find out which "choice" won. _

"Today's the day!" Carter said, jumping onto the bed next to me and pulling on my arm. "Get up, we're going to tell everyone now."

"Why are you so excited? And what time is it?" I mumbled, swatting his hand away and burying my head under my pillow.

"It's already 6:30," he told me. "We need to get ready or we'll be late. Care to join me for a shower?" That woke me up.

"Okay, go turn the water on." He got up and went to the bathroom, flipping the light switch up on his way to ensure that I actually got out of bed. He knows me too well.

I pulled off my comforter and shuffled to the bathroom. So today we were going to tell everyone our news. Well not really news, seeing as we've been dating for a month now…

"Hey, are you coming or do I need to come get you?" Carter called to me from the shower. I figured I could worry later, there was a man waiting in the shower for me, and I was feeling a little dirty.

* * *

"Umm, so… are we just gonna walk in there and tell everyone?" I asked on the way to work. 

"Hmm."

"Carter?"

"What? Oh, yeah, great." He seemed a little out of it.

"Are you listening to me?"

"Yeah, we're gonna tell." He reluctantly pulled his gaze away from the little girl outside the window and turned to face me.

"So are you going to or should I?"

"You can," Carter said.

"How should I do it? What should I say?"

"Abby relax, it doesn't matter. I'm sure everyone was expecting it."

"What will they say? I mean, if we couldn't make it last time, why should it work now? We're no different. I'm still Abby, and you're still Carter. I'm still the drunk with the messed up family. I'm still-"

"What you are is amazing, and I love you for all that you are-" Carter interrupted. I swallowed hard at the mention of the "L" word, but acted like I didn't hear him. "- and I don't think that our relationship will bother anyone."

I managed a weak smile. The El jolted to a stop, and I fell forwards onto his chest. "Relax," he said. "We're gonna be okay." He wrapped his arms around me and I sighed.

The doors opened and we exited the train. "Can we get some coffee before the shift?" I asked.

"Only if we can have pie, too."

"Deal." I pulled him down the stairs; even the thought of caffeine perked me up.

Settling into a booth at Doc Magoo's, I smiled and looked up at him. Carter was lost in thought, staring blankly at a menu that we both knew he had memorized years ago. "What's on your mind?" I said. He only gets that look when he's worried.

"When you said you were a drunk…" he started, but didn't finish the sentence. I sighed audibly and played with my napkin.

"When was the last time?" Carter asked, looking up into my eyes.

"The last time I drank?" He nodded. "Probably when you left." Ouch. I realized a little too late that admitting that would make him feel bad. Oh well, it's the truth.

"Oh god Abby, I'm so sorry." He reached across the table and took my hand.

"Forget about it, I've been sober since then. Ten months, two weeks and eleven days," I added with a smile.

He smiled back and took a sip of coffee. Our little moment was interrupted by the waitress bringing us pie. One slice of apple, and one slice of cherry, as usual. We finished up and went across the road to work, and the metal doors closed behind us with a soft thud.

"Well, it's now or never," Carter told me out of the side of his mouth as we walked towards the lounge.

Oh yeah, we were going to tell today. I almost forgot. I stopped by the admit desk where Susan, Jerry, and Gallant were standing. I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out.

"H-h-hey," I managed to stutter. Susan just gave me a strange look.

"You okay Abby?" she asked.

"Yeah, there's something I want to tell you."

"Oh, okay, do you want to go talk in the lounge?" she asked as Carter looked on, obviously amused.

"No, it's ok. They can hear."

Susan looked at me expectantly. "Well?"

"I…" Damnit, where did my voice go?

"I- I'm going… never mind," I said, and turned away from the desk.

Carter grabbed my arm and pulled me back. He knew I couldn't tell them, he knew I liked actions better than words. So he pulled me to him so that were face to face, our lips centimeters away from each other. Then he kissed me, hard, right in front of all of them. And for once, Susan was quiet.

I was so surprised at first, I almost screamed. But I couldn't help it, kissing Carter always had this effect on me.

So anyways, there we stood, making out in the middle the ER. It seemed like hours, but it only lasted about three seconds. When we pulled apart, I looked into his eyes and thanked him with mine.

Then Susan came to her senses. "Oh my god! Abby! _You're_ the slut!" We all started laughing.

* * *

"How was your day?" Carter asked when we got back to his place after work. 

"Too long," I said, sitting down on the couch with him. He sighed.

"Same."

We sat there in silence, just enjoying each other's company. I rested my head on his shoulder, and he placed his hand on my leg.

"Did you finally get an ICU bed for the old lady?" he said while rubbing his eyes.

"Yeah, right before I left."

"That's good."

"Hmm."

"Hey, can I ask you something?" I said.

"Sure."

"When Bobby died…" I started to talk, but then I realized that this was probably a hard topic to discuss.

"It's all right." He took my hand, encouraging me to go on.

"Did you ever blame yourself?"

Wow. That's one question that I never expected to hear. Ever. Yet somehow, the question is completely Abby. Unexpected, but honest and pure. I looked down at her, and thought for a bit.

* * *

**Yeah, I've had some pretty crappy writer's block. This is still not my best work, but I thought you guys might want to read something.**

**_Reader's choice for today: 1. Does Carter blame himself (yes or no)?_**

**_ 2. Which ER character should return (Doug, Carol, Benton, or whoever you guys pick)?_**

**Thanks to LcarbyM, sara (see you tomorrow, I can't wait!), welsh-girl, trakrunr83, sierra, englishpetal, MrsAbbyCarter, Eve, aliciums8187, StormyBlue, CamilaC, Me, BackToCalifornia, and TruLuv for the reviews. You guys rock! Reviews make my life worth living.**


	4. Chapter 4

**The Persistence of Memory - Chapter 4**

_sorry for the long delay. i hope you like, it's not that great but the next chapter will be better, i promise._**  
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**Carter's POV**

"It's all right," I told her, grabbing her hand and placing it gently on my knee.

"Did you ever blame yourself?" she asked.

I turned so that I was no longer facing her; he just stared blankly at the wall looking pensive. "I think that I did," I started, but then trailed off.

"But not anymore?" I looked back at her, and I felt like she could just see all my emotions coming to the surface.

"Sometimes I wished it was me," I said "Bobby and I, we used to pretend that we were the only people on earth. We used to pretend that we were invincible, and that we'd live forever." I swallowed hard and continued. "I thought maybe if I was nicer to him, or if I was a better brother, he would get better."

"But he didn't."

"No," I stated simply.

She gave me a lighthearted smile and rested her head on my shoulder.

"I couldn't take the disease away from him," I said. Somehow, I thought that she might know the feeling. "So I guess I do blame myself for not being able to help him. But I think I also blame my mother a little bit. For not being there… ever." She put her hand on my cheek and told me withher eyes that she understood. I put on a brave face and pulled her into my lap, where we just sat and relaxed.

It was the first time that I had really talked to her about Bobby. Although it was a sad memory, I was glad that I had the opportunity to explain. "You and me… We're a lot more alike than we seem," she told me.

"Hmm," I said. "How's Eric?" It seemed like there was something she needed to tell me.

"What? Where did that come from?" she asked.

"I'm not the only one with a sick brother, Abby."

She managed a smile, but I could tell that it was fake. "He's fine."

"Then where did this come from?" I asked, getting a little annoyed.

She glared at me. "I just wanted to talk. It's not that big of a deal; most normal people talk all the time. Sex doesn't make a relationship, you know." Ouch.

"I never said it did. And anyway, he haven't done it in a real long time." I raised my voice and stood up. I could feel myself getting agitated.

"Long time? John, it's only been two days!" She was having a hard time holding back a smile.

"Well, I can't help it that you're so hot, I just want to do it all night long." She laughed then, and got up on her tiptoes to give me a small kiss.

"Sorry, I guess I'm a bit edgy." She pulled my arms around her body and leaned into me. "We can do it tonight if you like," she added quietly.

I laughed hard and told her, "Sounds good to me."

* * *

**Abby's POV**

We sat back on the couch, munching softly on leftover pizza and watching old reruns of Will and Grace. One thing was still bothering him. I could tell.

Carter put down his slice and said casually, "How is he?"

"Who?" I decided to play dumb.

He flashed one of those, 'Don't act stupid, you know we can read each other like open books' looks.

"Your brother. Eric. The one we just had a fight about," he said.

I let out a sigh. "Missing." He immediately stiffened, then got up and started pacing the room.

"Missing? Where is he? Have you talked to Maggie? Why didn't you tell me earlier, before our little walk down memory lane?"

"Carter-"

"Okay, we should call Maggie, call all his friends, I think my dad knows a good private investigator, maybe we should call the police or something…" He interrupted me, and then trailed off.

"Listen, it's okay." He gave me a look plainly stating that things were not okay.

"Well don't you want to find him?"

I stood up from the couch and walked slowly over to him. "John." I placed my hands in his and laced our fingers together. "We're not going to find him, and we're not going to look for him."

He nodded, calmed down, and pulled me close for a hug. "But can you do just one little thing for me?" I asked as I buried my face in his warm sweater.

"Anything."

"Tell me that we're gonna be okay," I whispered into his chest.

_There you have it, Chapter 4! Sorry it's short. Thanks a million to my kind reviewers- TruLuv, sara, englishpetal, paau carter, DeedMarie007, and smok._

_I decided to wait a bit before bringing someone back, so here are the readers' choices for now:_

_1) Who, if anyone, should be brought back? (Doug, Carol Benton, or some other former cast member)_

_2) Surprise me with a strange suggestion about anything, and I'll use the weirdest one._

_I hope to get another chapter out in the next week, so look for it! Thanks for reading, and please review!_


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